Update

So I guess now that I've inundated everybody with recipes I should probably give an update on how I'm doing. Well, The Hubs and I are participating a Biggest Loser contest with a few other couples, and so we've been pretty obsessed with our foods and exercising. Doing so has counter-effected my PPA/PPD and I honestly feel FANTASTIC!! I finally feel excited and happy about things in general, and have been truly enjoying all these fun/healthy meals we've been cooking (hence the monstrous amounts of recipes). I feel like I'm finally filling into my shoes as a wife/mother and want to expand my creative side and have been keeping myself busy sewing, cooking, and crafting in general. It's so great to feel proud of some of my creations and know that I can do things that I always was too scared to try because I thought it would be too hard (like sewing my kids Halloween costumes).

In addition to the mental benefits of our new found health obsession (kicked into high gear by the Biggest Loser contest), The Hubs and I have both lost a good amount of weight, which has been next to IMPOSSIBLE for me to do in the past. I felt like a hamster running on a wheel, getting nowhere quick. So I was sacrificing all of these favorite indulgences for nothing. So I became slightly bitter. But these new recipe books we've found have been AMAZING. We honestly have loved EVERY recipe (with the exception of some pumpkin muffins) and haven't had the same meal twice yet...although there's a few I can't wait to get back to!

So far I've lost 9 lbs. and The Hubs has lost 14 (show off...)- We've also really enjoyed doing this all TOGETHER and not fighting the battle of one waiting for the other spouse to motivate them. He's been really good about exercising with me, or watching the kids so I can go if he's already exercised for the day.

I'm not quite ready to call myself "cured" of any sort of PPA/PPD stuff, but I will say I'm in the recovery stages...maybe. I'll let you know in a few weeks after this contest is over. ;-)

Run for your life!: Knowledge is power.

Simply by virtue of calling anything a "diet", I know I will fail.

Period.

Because in my brain,  diet = temporary and restrictive.  And after it's done I can go back to how I WANT to eat, and then it totally defeats the purpose. I also find that when I have something (especially an inanimate thing) telling me what to do makes me just fight doing it harder. It's the rebel in me. 

I have to know the why's. And the how's. And eat or not eat something because of how it makes ME FEEL, or not feel, and I have to come up with the idea. I know, I'm a dork. But I'm entirely at peace with my dorky-ness. 

I'm finding that the more knowledge I gain about foods, exercise, mental health, etc. the more I'm able to stick to whatever "plan" I've made for myself.

It's all about gaining knowledge about MY body. Last night the hubs and I checked out our BMI's (I really liked this calculator, it went beyond telling me how flawed I was!) and mine is 24.9- In the normal range, but barely. 

So I learned: It needs to come down more into the healthy range.

I've also learned this past week, with my running, MY body can't handle it EVERY DAY. And it's REALLY frustrating! I have the stamina, and I have the desire, but my poor knees just KILL from the impact of the run. So now that I have this knowledge, I can adjust. Now I know that this week I'm going to alternate running and some other exercise. 

I may even try Jillian Michael's sedentary-to-5K plan. 

This last week, MENTALLY I had some great breakthroughs and I HONESTLY feel like my diet and exercise (I didn't do so hot this past week exercising, gah! 3 days is better than 0 days though!) up to this point have really helped me "come to." I finally feel like I'm catching glimpses of normalcy in my head finally. And I should probably clarify: It's not like I'm constantly depressed, or anxious to the point of being dysfunctional. l simply am abnormally anxious for certain things and would avoid certain situations simply out of fear, and I'd get the anxiety of bathing my kids, etc. The weird, totally irrational thoughts about my children. It happens a LOT more than we think or like to admit, I think - But I'd also just not feel any type of desire or emotion in general other than anxiety and worry. My brain will instantly go to the worst possible scenarios of any situation. 

BUT this last week I actually thought, "Hmm...It might be fun to go boating sometime!" Not that we'll actually have the opportunity, but simply HAVING the thought is HUGE! And this last week we also did SUPER well not eating any of that extra "junk" food and keeping busy; I honestly feel like it has helped me a TON. I'm wanting to be social, I'm wanting to try new things, I'm wanting to do fun "outings" like I used too...

And I feel good about that.

Slow and steady wins the race. 

Do you struggle with some of these things? How do you dig in your cleats and fight it?

Fighting My Fear.

I had every reason not to go. Every normal excuse, I could have used.

My house is trashed.

I need to do laundry.

My sink is piled high full of dishes.

It was a little early.

I need to make up our menu/shopping list, and go grocery shopping.

And my only legitimate excuse for not wanting to go was me.

I was scared.

And anxious.

And so I HAD to go.

Because I made a promise before we moved here to the hubs- That I wouldn't let my own anxiety and fear rob our children (and our family as a whole) of experiences and memories.

Coming around the highway, you get to a certain part of the road where it's nothing but lake in front of you. That's when I started to panic. And then I just repeated my own little motto in my head, "I'm a strong woman, and I can do hard things..."

Going to the lake for a few hours likely wouldn't be that big of a deal to most people. But for me, it's one of my anxiety things. See, a huge reason for my push in exercise and self-reflection and refining is because I'm trying to fight my way out of some PPA/PPD (postpartum anxiety/depression). After Bug was born (our baby girl, born in December), and before then really, I knew I was at a serious risk for it considering I'd had a miscarriage only a month before she was conceived and so my body had gone through the ringer.

But I refuse to let it be an excuse any more. I choose to fight through my fears. Know my weaknesses and then stare them in the face.

And you know what?

It was fun!!

I had a good time...

Enjoyed the company of some other fantastic student wives...

He didn't drown...

He even swam out and away without me freaking out- The other girls were quite impressed...

And she didn't have a heat stroke-

Exhibit A: Fears can be fought. Even when you have every excuse in the book not to. Even if it means adding cleaning out the van and all the sand we brought home to the list of previously mentioned excuses...