Man! I'm a sucky blogger lately! Sorry, ladies!
BUT, by way of an update, I finished out my month of boot camp, and was sad about it but willing and ready to find my own "solution" to exercise on my own. Needless to say I didn't find anything that "worked" and went back to boot camp! HA! So, a friend of mine and I are chronicling how it benefits PPD and our own fight for normalcy, here: bootcamprx.blogspot.com
Monday, July 18, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Boot Camp: Day 1
A few months ago I purchased a session of Bootcamp on Groupon for $29. SWEET purchase! Usually one month of this is upwards of $200/month! Ouch.
But I've been saving it for the "optimal" time to use it. I figure this is it!! Next month we're going on vacation to the beach, and I gotta get beach ready! ;-)
Really, I've hit a "wall" with my exercise and motivation. My wall is that I don't have any of either going on. And it's a problem! I don't want to have done all this work and then just waste it because I "gave up".
This morning was day 1- I didn't sleep too well last night because I was so anxious/nervous to go this morning (sorry, Hubs!). But it was good. I was keeping up with a 5 month camper, which helped push me. It was pretty good, though. We did some running, and the rest of the morning was abs. I enjoyed it! However, I could sure use a nap right now!
Here's to the next few classes! I signed up for 5 days/week, with the exception of The Hubs' test days which I won't attend class on because he leaves at 5am. So here's to hoping I can finish what I started!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Rubber Bands and Kleenexes
So I officially hit the lowest weight since I can remember. Jr. High maybe?
I stepped on the scale and saw 115. WOO!
Except the only reason I got there was because I was sick. Puking my guts out (or WISHING I was puking my guts out- which in my opinion is worse than actually puking), after reacting badly to an antibiotic.
It was a very conflicted feeling. It was interesting to see that number, but not to feel that way.
I felt like my arms and legs have turned into rubber bands. And my brain was going to explode through my forehead. A sinus infection will do that to you.
So even though the NUMBER was low, I still don't feel like I can say I'm "doing it" right now. My PPA/PPD seems to be ok, but my body feels like it's out of wack. Although not feeling up to exercising in weeks hasn't helped! Gah!
But a friend of mine said something the other night that I wanted to relay. This was in reference to scripture study, but I think can be applied to LOTS of things. She said, "Don't be afraid to allow yourself a little victory. Opened the scriptures today and read a verse? Counts! Read a kids scripture story to your kid for bed? Counts!" Meaning we didn't necessarily have to sit and read chapters for hours for it to "count". The same could be said for diet/exercise. Should we try our hardest? YES! BUT, are we not allowing ourselves any victories which is in result just discouraging further progress?
Baby steps!
And now I must take baby steps to feeling strong again. Because I TOTALLY don't right now. Although the number says one thing, my winded feeling going up the stairs says another.
Here we go again!
I stepped on the scale and saw 115. WOO!
Except the only reason I got there was because I was sick. Puking my guts out (or WISHING I was puking my guts out- which in my opinion is worse than actually puking), after reacting badly to an antibiotic.
It was a very conflicted feeling. It was interesting to see that number, but not to feel that way.
I felt like my arms and legs have turned into rubber bands. And my brain was going to explode through my forehead. A sinus infection will do that to you.
So even though the NUMBER was low, I still don't feel like I can say I'm "doing it" right now. My PPA/PPD seems to be ok, but my body feels like it's out of wack. Although not feeling up to exercising in weeks hasn't helped! Gah!
But a friend of mine said something the other night that I wanted to relay. This was in reference to scripture study, but I think can be applied to LOTS of things. She said, "Don't be afraid to allow yourself a little victory. Opened the scriptures today and read a verse? Counts! Read a kids scripture story to your kid for bed? Counts!" Meaning we didn't necessarily have to sit and read chapters for hours for it to "count". The same could be said for diet/exercise. Should we try our hardest? YES! BUT, are we not allowing ourselves any victories which is in result just discouraging further progress?
Baby steps!
And now I must take baby steps to feeling strong again. Because I TOTALLY don't right now. Although the number says one thing, my winded feeling going up the stairs says another.
Here we go again!
Monday, March 21, 2011
The Many Adventures of the Michael & Jill Rogers Family: Jill Runs First Race: Green Valley 5K!
The Many Adventures of the Michael & Jill Rogers Family: Jill Runs First Race: Green Valley 5K!: "Ok, so I wouldn't quite call it an 'official' race, but it was an organized 5K! I admit it was a bit harder than I thought it would be, but ..."
Monday, February 7, 2011
The Other Side of My Reality.
I remember one night last March or so, after getting the kids to bed, crawling into my sweethearts lap and just crying.
"I guess I'm just fat and crazy...", I told him. That day my results from a thyroid check came back and were normal. Which was a good thing, because my thyroids were fine, but it was my last grasp of an explanation other than PPD/PPA to explain what I was going through. I was hoping my inability to lose weight, my hair thinning, my "crazy" thoughts, my elevated and entirely unnecessary fears/anxiety, etc. would be related to that. Because I'd read somewhere that thyroid levels being off can also cause some of those symptoms.
But alas, I was just "fat and crazy."
I gave myself a few days to mourn my "loss" (of my marbles maybe?), and just let myself be ok with it. And then I decided the pitty party was over, and it was time to put on my big girl panties and deal with it. I had two kids that needed a mom (a REAL mom who was present), a husband that needed a wife (not just a roommate), and I had an inner potential that I knew I had but felt like was suffocating in my own self-loathing. It wasn't fair to anybody for me to do nothing. I wanted to enjoy and participate in not only my own life, but that of my children.
And so it was time for me to 'put up or shut up'. I was done complaining about it, and I was ready to stare the problem in the face and deal with it. It's not an abnormal thing, nor is it the result of anything I did wrong or could control. I wanted to own it, and share and learn from others. I wasn't going to feel broken, or ashamed. And so I made a plan of action, and I followed it.
And now here I am- To the "that'll NEVER happen!" number on the scale, which is a weight I haven't seen since high school, needing to size down my wedding ring a whole size, doing new things, being excited about upcoming things in life, wanting to create. Feeling strong. Not only physically but mentally. And for me, that was the priority and number one goal in ALL of this. It isn't about being "skinny", it was about being happy. Not just putting on a smile, but feeling internally happy in my quiet alone moments. Usually when looking in the mirror. It was about feeling my age, instead of 15-20 years older than I was. It was about knowing I'll be able to keep up with my kids. It was about showing other women around me that it is possible to beat all of this and come out on top, better than where I started.
And now I feel like this journey has made me feel relevant. Like I matter. Not just another pog in the game.
Not like a victim. Of life, of circumstance, of my body, of my past.
Because let's face it, it's easier to be a victim than to work and face things straight up. It's easier to sit on the couch with a carton of ice cream and complain about how hard things are, than it is to do something about it. And there are still a lot of very tender things I am afraid to face, but all of this is teaching me that I CAN address those things, and I CAN overcome- And it has taken me a long time to come to that realization and to understand that who I thought I was, wasn't permanent. I could change it, and I did change it. Because I had gotten to the point where I had just accepted that I was forever going to feel, and look, and think the way I did. Fat and crazy.
I have never been so glad to be wrong.
Life is hard, but happy.
Our home is happy.
I'm happy.
And it was worth it.
Dear World, I did this.
"I guess I'm just fat and crazy...", I told him. That day my results from a thyroid check came back and were normal. Which was a good thing, because my thyroids were fine, but it was my last grasp of an explanation other than PPD/PPA to explain what I was going through. I was hoping my inability to lose weight, my hair thinning, my "crazy" thoughts, my elevated and entirely unnecessary fears/anxiety, etc. would be related to that. Because I'd read somewhere that thyroid levels being off can also cause some of those symptoms.
But alas, I was just "fat and crazy."
I gave myself a few days to mourn my "loss" (of my marbles maybe?), and just let myself be ok with it. And then I decided the pitty party was over, and it was time to put on my big girl panties and deal with it. I had two kids that needed a mom (a REAL mom who was present), a husband that needed a wife (not just a roommate), and I had an inner potential that I knew I had but felt like was suffocating in my own self-loathing. It wasn't fair to anybody for me to do nothing. I wanted to enjoy and participate in not only my own life, but that of my children.
And so it was time for me to 'put up or shut up'. I was done complaining about it, and I was ready to stare the problem in the face and deal with it. It's not an abnormal thing, nor is it the result of anything I did wrong or could control. I wanted to own it, and share and learn from others. I wasn't going to feel broken, or ashamed. And so I made a plan of action, and I followed it.
And now here I am- To the "that'll NEVER happen!" number on the scale, which is a weight I haven't seen since high school, needing to size down my wedding ring a whole size, doing new things, being excited about upcoming things in life, wanting to create. Feeling strong. Not only physically but mentally. And for me, that was the priority and number one goal in ALL of this. It isn't about being "skinny", it was about being happy. Not just putting on a smile, but feeling internally happy in my quiet alone moments. Usually when looking in the mirror. It was about feeling my age, instead of 15-20 years older than I was. It was about knowing I'll be able to keep up with my kids. It was about showing other women around me that it is possible to beat all of this and come out on top, better than where I started.
And now I feel like this journey has made me feel relevant. Like I matter. Not just another pog in the game.
Not like a victim. Of life, of circumstance, of my body, of my past.
Because let's face it, it's easier to be a victim than to work and face things straight up. It's easier to sit on the couch with a carton of ice cream and complain about how hard things are, than it is to do something about it. And there are still a lot of very tender things I am afraid to face, but all of this is teaching me that I CAN address those things, and I CAN overcome- And it has taken me a long time to come to that realization and to understand that who I thought I was, wasn't permanent. I could change it, and I did change it. Because I had gotten to the point where I had just accepted that I was forever going to feel, and look, and think the way I did. Fat and crazy.
I have never been so glad to be wrong.
Life is hard, but happy.
Our home is happy.
I'm happy.
And it was worth it.
Dear World, I did this.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Inspired.
I ran into a dear friend from home today while shopping (at the Wal-Mart in Thatcher), and she'd mentioned how much she loved reading this blog. I felt like a loser for not posting more recently! Things have been crazy and I haven't been getting any sort of feedback so I guess I didn't figure there was any sort of interest really for others to read- So I lost ambition.
But she inspired me to do a slight update.
After our contest (Biggest Loser) ended, Michael and I have continued our weight loss and healthy lifestyle endeavors. I'm now finally under my wedding day weight, although not nearly the BODY SHAPE I had. But I'm content with that considering how I FEEL. I'm aware that my body will never be the same after having my babies, but it is incredibly LIBERATING to finally feel like I am capable of keeping up with other mom's my age. To feel like I can "fly" up or down a flight of stairs.
Honestly, it is incredibly rewarding to see the scale numbers going down into a range you'd never thought possible ever again. HOWEVER, what is the MOST rewarding is seeing and not feeling like I'm 40. And we did it how it should be done. No magic pill, powder, or bar. No extreme diets or cleanses. Good'ol hard exercise and pushing my body to new limits, and eating right. And having the right motivation for it. While working out, in one of the workout videos Jillian Michael's says something about "think about why you're doing this, and keep going. Remind yourself why this is important to you..." and every time, I think about running with my kids in a few years, and keeping up with them. Or running together as a family. I think about running after balls together as we play family sports together. And then I keep going.
And so, dear world, I'm doing it.
Still.
But she inspired me to do a slight update.
After our contest (Biggest Loser) ended, Michael and I have continued our weight loss and healthy lifestyle endeavors. I'm now finally under my wedding day weight, although not nearly the BODY SHAPE I had. But I'm content with that considering how I FEEL. I'm aware that my body will never be the same after having my babies, but it is incredibly LIBERATING to finally feel like I am capable of keeping up with other mom's my age. To feel like I can "fly" up or down a flight of stairs.
Honestly, it is incredibly rewarding to see the scale numbers going down into a range you'd never thought possible ever again. HOWEVER, what is the MOST rewarding is seeing and not feeling like I'm 40. And we did it how it should be done. No magic pill, powder, or bar. No extreme diets or cleanses. Good'ol hard exercise and pushing my body to new limits, and eating right. And having the right motivation for it. While working out, in one of the workout videos Jillian Michael's says something about "think about why you're doing this, and keep going. Remind yourself why this is important to you..." and every time, I think about running with my kids in a few years, and keeping up with them. Or running together as a family. I think about running after balls together as we play family sports together. And then I keep going.
And so, dear world, I'm doing it.
Still.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Just do it.
I HAD to share this video I came across. It kind of sums up about how we feel about a LOT of things!
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